Friday, March 29, 2013

How Landing A Job Is Like Dating: 15 Tips To Make Them Want You

It's basic psychology. Interacting with people, whether it's a significant other or a potential employer, requires careful relationship management.

And there are a surprising amount of dating tips that can be applied professionally.

Think that's total crap?

In February, Roy Cohen, a career counselor and executive coach who previously handled outplacement for Goldman Sachs, told Forbes that the best book for job-seekers is The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right.

Then there's, a site that monetizes this concept. The self-proclaimed "eHarmony of the employment industry" combines the best of employment sites with the best of online dating and has raised $9.5 million in funding.

If you really want to kill two birds with one stone, brush up on your dating tips -- it could help you land your dream relationship, and your dream job.

Finding an opportunity is like finding a suitor

1. Present yourself appropriately

2. Get out there and meet people

3. Everybody wants what they can't have, so make yourself desirable

4. Open yourself up to new possibilities

5. Don't be fooled; do your research

1. Present yourself appropriately

This includes cleaning up social network profiles and dressing appropriately for an interview.

According to, "In job-hunting, first impressions are critical. Remember, you are marketing a product -- yourself -- to a potential employer, and the first thing the employer sees when greeting you is your attire."

Likewise, claims something similar about dating first impressions: "According to a new study, a person's physical appearance allows others to form surprisingly accurate first impressions. So you may want to think twice about what kind of image you're projecting."

2. Get out there and meet people

Most job hires are from someone's current professional network or recommendations from friends and colleagues. Submitting blindly online is often trumped by a pre-existing, trusted relationship.

Shake those first-encounter jitters and attend networking events to broaden your list of contacts.

The Bureau of Labor Statistics suggests that people who use many job search methods find jobs faster than people who use only one or two. First on their list of suggested tactics is reaching out to personal contacts.

Bill Jeffries, a senior career consultant concurs: "You need what we call a 'warm contact,' someone you can call to have lunch or coffee, even if they don't do anything close to what you do. That person can put you in touch with someone they know, and then your network will start to build."

Riki Markowitz, a former reporter, research editor and writer at Maxim, Lucky, and The Knot, writes this dating advice for men: "Widen your social circle because nearly 26 percent of newly married couples met through a friend or relative."

3. Everybody wants what they can't have, so make yourself desirable

It is much easier to land a job when you're already employed. Having multiple options can give you leverage with salary, benefits, and it will give you some of the power in the process.

When looking for a job, career counselor Roy Cohen tells, "You need to create desirability and attractiveness. You do that by appearing slightly unavailable."

Dating coach and author David Wygant offers this tip to men, "If you have plans with a friend, keep those plans even if the woman you're dating asks you to do something that night. Women don't want men who are like a 7-Eleven -- convenient and ready 24/7."

4. Open yourself up to new possibilities

Come out of your comfort zone and consider all the options for your skill set. Take calculated risks and broaden your job search while keeping the opportunity within reach. advises, "Don't limit your search by only applying to positions that meet your exact criteria. Instead, having an open mind (remember, you won't know exactly what the job entails until you interview) when reviewing the job ads will increase your applications and increase your chances for getting an interview."

Similarly, tells readers that taking more chances can help them meet boyfriends.
"Sign up for a cooking class, take a trip abroad...When you live so that you’re always looking for new experiences, you’ll always find them." 

5. Don't be fooled, do your research

Dream jobs and employers aren't always what they seem. Do your research to make sure you don't

In that same vein, employers like to see that you've done your homework before an interview.

"When meeting candidates at job fairs, I like to see that they've done their research," Louis Dennis, a human resources representative for State Farm Insurance Companies, tells

She says, "Folks who can sit down with me already knowing something about the company and the types of jobs they're interested in are very impressive to me."

Barbara Brooks, a New York-based professional matchmaker with 16 years of experience offers similar advice to women hunting for boyfriends. "Look beyond his good looks," she suggests. "Don't be dazzled by a handsome face. Is this guy worthy of winning your heart? How does he treat his mother?" If the person is simply eye candy, Brooks advises her clients to take heed.
wind up in a Devil Wears Prada situation.

Handle an interview like you would a first date

6. Know the difference between persistence and annoyance

7. Let the organizer lead the conversation

8. Communicate and listen

9. Be honest and tell them how you feel

10. Make sure you click

11. Make them feel special

6. Know the difference between persistence and annoyance

You can and should follow up on resume submission or job listings that piques your interest. But
beware: There is a fine line between showing you're interested and being obnoxious.

"I only hire people I'd be comfortable sitting next to on a plane across the country," one source tells us.

Read the employer's signs and check in without pestering. Emailing about once a month should suffice, according to

David DeAngelo, a Relationship Correspondent for warns, "If you focus too much energy and time on a woman [at the beginning], it can creep them out and make them want nothing to do with you... If you call the next day, be cool about it. Don't try to be too suave or set up another date immediately."

7. Let the organizer lead the conversation

Cohen suggests a reworked version of The Rules No. 2 dating tip, "don't talk to a man first," for the interview process -- follow the hiring manager's lead.

He tells Forbes, "Let him or her set the tone. But if you sit down and an awkward silence ensues, break the ice by saying something like, 'It's great to be here, thank you so much for spending time with me.' While you don't want to dominate the conversation, you do want to appear socially skilled."

8. Communicate and listen

Absorb information about the company and contribute to the conversation by asking questions. This
will show an employer you care about the job and came prepared.

In her book, Basic Black, Hearst Chairman Cathie Black recalls dismissing a potential hire because she caught them reading the latest issue while waiting for their interview.

Show off what you can contribute, but learn the information ahead of time. offers this piece of advice: "During the job interview, try to relax and stay as calm possible. Take a moment to regroup. Listen to the entire question before you answer and pay attention - you will be embarrassed if you forget the question!"

Yahoo Personals also tells men to listen if they want to land a lady:

"In order to have good conversation and bond with a woman, you need to listen to what she says. If you listen to her, you will know what to say next. It's called a conversation for a reason. A lot of men always think about what to say next, or they have a script in their head about what to say next. That's not a conversation -- that's a bad screenplay."

9. Be honest and tell them you're interested

Tell an employer you really want the position. When an offer is on the line, don't play games. Be
candid about your interest in the job. offers this tip: "Close the interview by telling the interviewer(s) that you want the job and asking about the next step in the process. (Some experts even say you should close the interview by asking for the job.)" dating blogger Bethany Heitman writes that hiding emotions, when dating, can backfire. "Guys, like women, actually feel pumped up when their partner fawns over them," she insists. "Plus, if you hide how you feel, he is going to think you're indifferent and may look for someone who is clearly into him."

10. Make sure you click

During an interview, make sure you like your potential boss and team members. Team chemistry can
make or break job experiences.

Glassdoor career expert Hank Stringer tells prospective hires to reflect on this: "How you are treated on day one can be a reflection of what your future interactions may be like socially. Consider how social you like to be at work and what helps you get the most enjoyment and be the most productive in your job."

Chemistry is also is often the difference between a friendship and a committed relationship when dating.

Dr. Neil Clark Warren, Founder of warns, "There must be an ember of initial attraction to build from. Without any chemistry, you're better off as friends."

11. Make them feel special

Send thank you emails or gifts to let employers know you're serious about the opportunity. Going an
extra step can make all the difference. suggests, "Email or mail a thank-you note within 24 hours...The follow-up is one more chance to remind the interviewer of all the valuable traits you bring to the job, and you don't want to miss this last chance to market yourself."

"When I've met someone promising, I'm looking for them to follow up," Louis Dennis, a human resources representative for State Farm Insurance Companies, tells "If they do, that's a sign of serious interest."

Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker shares the same words of wisdom for daters: "You're not living in the movie Swingers where you're supposed to wait X amount of days to call back," she insists. "Busy men don't like rude girls—and there's plenty of fish in the sea besides you!"

Accepting an offer; making a commitment

13. Don't be desperate

14. Know when to commit

15. Look ahead to the future
12. Realize that there's going to be a lot of rejection



12. There is going to be a lot of rejection

Emails lost in the abyss, calls sent to voicemail, messages left with a secretary, LinkedIn declines -
there are a million ways to be rejected in the job market. Finding the right opportunity takes time.

Kathy Lord, a romantic coach and author offers advice one how someone should lick their dating wounds: "Not everyone will want to buy what you are selling, but if you have a good product, you'll be able to find customers if you look in the right places. Make sure you believe in your product(you!) and that your product is ready for market."

13. Don't be desperate

Don't accept the offer just because a suitor is eager. You should take a job opportunity because it
advances your career, not to escape a current situation.

"Just like dating," career counselor Roy Cohen tells Forbes, "if an employer is pushing too hard to get you to accept an offer, you can afford to push back."

According to a study by UC Berkeley, the average American spends an estimated 2,088 hours each year at work. With that much time at stake, you don't want to settle for any old job.

Cosmopolitan Magazine says the same thing about relationships: "The fear of spending your whole life without someone can consume you and drive you to make a decision to stay and stick it out in a bad relationship. Or, it can lead you to choose to be in a relationship with someone totally wrong for you...Learn to be happy solo and take care of your health—and that includes being in a relationship that you want and derive true happiness from."

14. Know when to commit

Trust your gut. You can usually tell if it's time to look for a new job opportunity. At the same time, if an offer doesn't feel right, there's probably a reason.

US News And World Report gives this advice to people who have just been offered a position: "If something doesn't feel right, or you experience inexplicable dread when you imagine yourself in the job, pay attention. Your subconscious is probably picking up on danger signs."

Dating site The Frisky's Judy McGuire writes about trusting first inclinations: "A recent story in New Scientist [suggests] that because our emotions emerge from our unconscious mind, they tend to reflect more information than our rational mind. Translation: our gut instinct can save us from a lot of grief."

15. Look ahead to the future

Can you see yourself at the new company for a while? Is it a stepping stone towards your ultimate
career goal?

Make sure the job is one that will help you achieve your professional aspirations and not steer you off course. elaborates: "There's nothing worse for your career than getting stuck in a dead-end job. While a so-so role may be fine in the short term, holding a position that does not allow for advancement for an extended period of time can take a toll on your health and happiness."

The same goes for dating. Once you reach a certain age, anyone you date is potential marriage material. From iVillage:

"When you're getting to know someone, ask yourself if you and he have the same core values," says Dr. Neil Clark Warren, Founder of eHarmony. "Think money, intelligence, lifestyle and sense of humor," he says. "And think really hard if your major life goals mix well."

Questions You Should Never Ask Your Girlfriend

Let’s face it, women have the ability to read much more into a question than is meant.

For instance, a guy asks what the time is, and she hears, “I’m bored, I want to leave, I wonder if this relationship is working for me, I think I may be able to escape in the next few minutes, I wonder what I am doing here?” He wanted to know what the time was, because he needs to take his tablet an hour after supper.

So what do the following questions mean to women?

Are you going to be much longer?

She hears : Here I am sitting on my backside waiting in the car, while you are packing the baby’s bag, sorting out the dog, wrapping the birthday present, dealing with YOUR mother’s phonecall, setting the alarm and locking the house. What is taking you so long?

Why does this question irritate women?
This question merely reveals your husband/boyfriend’s complete lack of understanding about what it takes to get ready to go on the road. And this is what makes women angry. Leave it to the man in your life, and you will arrive at the party without a present, without clean nappies for the baby, and to top it all, a call from the alarm company, saying the armed response says the dog is trotting around inside the house and they hope that is what set off the alarm.

Don’t you think you should start running again?

She hears : You are getting fat and I think it is because you are not getting enough exercise. Pick up two more kilo’s and I am out of here.

Why does this question irritate women?
It makes them feel that they are being prescribed to in how they should look, what they should wear in order to be found acceptable. Men just don’t understand that many women deal with baby blues or the difficult boss by eating a second slice of chocolate cake, followed by a cream caramel delight, rum ‘n raisin ice cream and rounded off with a sweetie pie.

What’s for supper?

She hears: Your place is in the kitchen. I don’t care if your work a full day like I do, supper is your responsibility and I am hungry.

Why does this question irritate women?
It makes them feel as if the bulk of the household responsibilities is still theirs, even if they work fulltime or earn more than their husbands. Especially if they shopped for the food, cooked yesterday and put three loads of washing through the machine in the last 24 hours.

What was your previous boyfriend like?

She hears: I don’t like the thought of your being with anyone else, even if I didn’t know you then. I really want to hear that he was a right royal jerk, useless in bed, couldn’t hold down a job and generally disliked by all your family and friends.

Why does this question irritate women?
It makes them feel cornered – previous boyfriends are actually private territory and have nothing to do with present relationships. When women are hesitant to discuss previous relationships, men often react as if they are somehow being excluded and as if the woman has something to hide. We all have secrets and private things about which we don’t talk to anyone.

Who was that you were talking to?

She hears: I don’t trust you. I don’t like you talking to other men. You’re mine, mine, mine and don’t you forget it. How much did that smile really mean?

Why does this question irritate women?

 It makes them feel as if they are being treated like possessions and not human beings. Everyone needs friends and women certainly do not want to sleep with every man they smile at. Heavens, that would include the 72-year-old butcher on the corner.

Super Snacks: 5 Best Snacks for Energy

Find out which snacks to reach for next time you need a burst of energy.

Some snacks enhance energy levels, while others leave us feeling depleted. The key to choosing a satisfying snack that will give you energy to burn is understanding how certain foods fuel energy.

Not all calories are equal. High-calorie processed foods can certainly provide a quick boost, but the result is fleeting and inevitably followed by a low period when blood sugar plummets. Energy-efficient snacks, on the other hand, balance high-quality calories with the nutrients needed to convert calories into enduring energy.

If that's not enough to appeal to your appetite, consider this: Increased energy naturally improves your mood. Try these five energy-enhancing snacks for a happy high.

1. Almonds

Almonds are packed with a potent combination of energy-enriching nutrients, including manganese,

The protein and fiber in almonds stabilizes blood sugar and slows digestion, which helps regulate energy, so you have steady reserves over time. Healthy fats like the kind found in almonds have been found to curb appetite and prevent overeating that can result in weight gain and its accompanying feelings of fatigue. The fat and fiber in almonds also contribute a feeling of satiety that helps prevent mindless snacking. For these reasons, almonds and other nuts are frequently recommended as part of a healthy diet for people looking to lose weight.

Rev it up: Spread almond butter on whole-grain crackers, or combine a handful of raw almonds with unsweetened dried fruit for a satisfying snack full of fiber and protein.
vitamin E, magnesium, tryptophan, copper, vitamin B2 (riboflavin), and phosphorus. Magnesium has been called a miracle mineral because of its multifunctional capabilities: In addition to being an essential part of more than 300 biological processes, magnesium aids in the production of energy, supports the immune system, improves sleep patterns, relaxes muscles, relieves stress and anxiety, and boosts mood.

2. Yogurt

Yogurt is full of calcium, phosphorus, protein, tryptophan, molybdenum, and zinc. It's also a great

Protein-rich snacks like yogurt can even pump up your probability for ditching the pounds. Since protein takes time to digest, you'll feel satisfied for longer -- which means less snacking and fewer calorie splurges throughout the day.

Yogurt also supplies the brain with tyrosine, an amino acid that boosts blood levels of the neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine, resulting in a mood and mental boost. In a number of studies, tyrosine has also been effective at fighting fatigue.

Rev it up: Control your sugar intake by opting for unsweetened yogurt, and up the energy ante by adding chopped walnuts or ground flaxseed -- both will add protein and omega-3 fatty acids for extended energy. Sweeten to taste with a drizzle of raw honey or pure maple syrup.
source of vitamins B2 (riboflavin), B5 (pantothenic acid), and B12 (cobalamin). Thanks to its liquid-like state, the nutrients in yogurt are assimilated quickly and easily during digestion, which means you get an immediate boost of energy. Yogurt's high protein content means that energy also has staying power.

3. Pineapple

Pineapple is one of summer's most popular fruits simply because it's so delicious. But if you want more reasons, look no further: A rich source of manganese, vitamin C, vitamin B1 (thiamin), copper, fiber, and vitamin B6, this juicy fruit is a super snack for fueling energy.

Thanks to high levels of naturally occurring sugar (fructose), dietary fiber, and water, fresh pineapple is nature's equivalent of a kick in the pants. The carbohydrate-rich fructose breaks down quickly for an immediate energy boost, while the fiber slows digestion for long-lasting results. Pineapple's energy-extending capabilities don't stop there: Manganese and thiamin are both essential in energy production and help metabolize carbohydrates. And the vitamin B6 in pineapple plays a part in converting tryptophan into serotonin in the brain for a natural mood booster.

In terms of energy, digestion is one of the costliest bodily functions. The good news: Pineapple contains bromelain, which contains a number of enzymes that help improve digestion. In addition, eating fluid-filled foods like pineapple can help prevent dehydration, one of the most common culprits of zapped energy. Water is necessary for every bodily function, including converting calories into energy, and even a slight dip in fluids leads to physical and mental fatigue.

Rev it up: Pair pineapple with protein-rich yogurt or nonfat cottage cheese. The combination of carbs and protein is ideal for stable and enduring energy.

4. Whole wheat snacks

Whole grains -- especially whole wheat -- are full of essential nutrients that energize both body and brain, including fiber; manganese; magnesium; iron; protein; carbohydrates; and vitamins B1, B2, and B3. Whole wheat is loaded with energizing B vitamins, which fight fatigue, maintain energy levels, stabilize blood sugar, improve sleep patterns, coordinate nerve and muscle activity, and boost mood.

Simple carbs like white bread and sweets provide a quick surge of energy, but the results are temporary. What's more, the energy comes courtesy of a spike in blood sugar; once that subsides, you'll feel depleted and fatigued. The complex carbohydrates in whole wheat, however, are absorbed more slowly, which translates into stable blood sugar levels for hours at a time and gradual, lasting energy.

Carbs are also full of tryptophan, the amino acid precursor to the feel-good chemical serotonin produced in the brain. Too much tryptophan can trigger a spike in serotonin that leads to drowsiness, though, so the key is to pick healthy carbohydrates such as whole grain toast, which is full of fiber, to slow digestion and regulate the flow of serotonin. That way, you'll get a happy mood boost without the drowsiness.

Rev it up: Combining whole grains with protein is a classic energy-extending combination. Try whole-wheat crackers dipped in low-fat cottage cheese, or top whole wheat toast with your favorite sugar-free nut butter.

5. Edamame

Edamame, or boiled soybeans, are a great pick-me-up because they're easy to make, easy to transport, and fun to eat right out of the shell. Soybeans are full of nutrients that contribute directly to a boost in energy as well as mood.

A single cup of edamame provides 116 percent of the recommended daily amount of tryptophan, which helps regulate appetite, enhance sleep, and improve mood -- three factors that play a significant role in affecting energy levels. In the same serving, you'll get 57 percent of the recommended amount of protein, 43 percent of your daily omega-3 fatty acids, 41 percent of fiber, and 49 percent of your daily iron -- all important contributors to sustained energy.

Soybeans are also super-rich in molybdenum, an essential trace mineral that helps cells function properly, facilitates the use of iron reserves, aids in metabolizing fat and carbohydrates, enhances alertness, improves concentration, and helps balance blood sugar levels. All of these functions are crucially linked to the production and sustainability of energy. Molybdenum also helps prevent anemia, a common culprit of iron-deficiency-related fatigue.

Plus, soybeans are packed with folate, a natural mood booster that's been shown to increase serotonin levels and improve symptoms of depression.

Rev it up: Combine half a cup of soybeans with equal parts shredded carrots, presoaked sea vegetables such as hijiki or wakame (two types of seaweed), and a tablespoon of rice wine vinegar for a savvy salad loaded with protein, fiber, minerals, and antioxidants. Optional: Top with a sprinkling of black sesame seeds.